Pre-Set: 4 chairs (2 close and centered, one off to each side as guests)
Dick Chain and paper bag behind chairs
4 Glasses for drinking

Blackout
Swing Music fades out.
Man Show Theme (LC Various Themes 1 CD, Track 8) Starts
about 20 seconds into the theme, the lights come on as Kate is jumpingaround.
As the lyrics stop (during the inst), Kate announces:

Juggie: Ladies & Gentlemen, Welcome to our new home on FOX news...theMan Show! Now,
here’s your hosts....Adam Corrollo and Jimmie Kimmel!
(Kate tosses it to Adam and Jim as they enter. They greet audienceand stand center. Kate runs off
juggy like)

A: calm down, calm down.
J: gees, you’d think we were Hannity and Colmes
A: who?
J: exactly.  Welcome to the Man Show. We’re excited to be furthingthe social conscienceness of
America as we have been picked up on the always respectable, FOX cablenews.
A: That’s right....We make it up...you decide....
J: If it’s bull.
A: But seriously, ya know me and Jimmie never got any credit for thegreat work we do for you
horn balls, and what a great way to prove it...and falsy fullfillingFCC obligations ... than right
here, right now, with our show...
J: the show for men!
A: the show by men!
J: the show with men....
A: ummmm....um, not in that gay way.
J: naw. of course not. you know I’m married.
A: oh ya, that charade. sure Jimmie. Well, let’s kick things in thegonads and get to our first
guest. (they both move back and sloppily sit in 2 chairs)
J: You may know our first guest from his love for missiles, his lovefor fatty foods, or when you
chuckled at his name on a ballot.
A: Please welcome... the Vice President of this divided USA...
J: Mr. Dick Chainey! (applause. Dick (Jeff) enters)
A: Welcome Mr. Vice President
D: Thank you for having me here. This is a great step in bridging thesocial classes and gaining
support for what our administrative plans to do.
A: right. You know I voted for you just cuz you were the only candidatehonest enough.
D: why thank you.
J: ya, honest enought to admit your a dick!
A: get it! you’re a dick!
D: um, why yes. yes I am. I guess.
J: Okay Veep, why don’t you explain to us what you look forward toin these first 100 days being
in office.
D: Well, Jimmie. From my past experience, I’d really like to focuson re-establishing many of the
foreign relationships we’ve had thru my diplomacy....(slides into rant)especially the ones who
have the long range X-PS2 missiles and willing to trade them belowcost in exchange for us
pelting the blazes out of their peasant civilians who whine about uselesssoil that we’re just gonna
make into a huge crater with one launch at my command..... (duringthis Jimmie is whispering to
Adam, who then interupts)
A: Hey....mad bomber....Jimmie just told me that you got a guy namedColon working with you
again too!
D: (who has snapped back), well, yes, Colin, Colin Powell....a wellrespected man who has served
as joint chief in that (starts to slide again) little war that should’veescalated....
A: woah...dude...calm down, I’m just saying that reminds me of somebad Colon problems I think
I’ve been having....
D: (still ranting) toxic gasses my asses, we went all softy Grenadaon those pansies when I
could’ve taken a scud, hooked up an erector set and blown the entireplace around the globe into
another hawaian island.....
A: you know what I mean Jimmie? My colon, it hurts....
J: like my pancreas!  Speaking of which, hows the blood flowingwith you, Mr. Chainey.
A: Please, call him Dick.....for me.
D: (calm suddenly) doing fine. I’m in great health and in total relaxedtension.
J: Which reminds me, its time again...
A: for our Man-O-Vations! (they both stand, VP is still sitting)
J: that’s right, this one is actually an idea from my wife.
A: hahahaha. wife....good one Jimmy. It’s also a special treat inspiredby our special guest.
J: Well some estrogen book told her that my penis is also her penis.
A: and what better way to do it than with this new manovantion....(juggy brings out chain) The
Dick Chainey!
J: Made in solid steel, coated in K-Y, you like it when she tugs onyour tool.
A: And, don’t worry...its good for the guys too; if your woman goesall Bobbit on you, you won’t
have to look in some corn field to find your friend.
J: That’s right, the head you think with will probably be just attachedto your belt.
(they go back to sit) Here you go, a Dick Chainey for...Dick Chainey!(hands it to him)
A: You may want to hook that on to Dubbya to keep tabs on the buttonshe pushes.
J: That’s right it serves many purposes!
A: Like all our man-o-vations!
J: but unlike our next guest.....you may have forgotten about her sincethe inaguration
A: But she’s pulling a Linda Tripp and won’t go away....
J: Please welcome, Florida’s own Ms. Katherine Harris!
(kate enters as Harris)
K: Thank you boys. (she goes to embrace them)
A: God damn, Tammy Faye, sit over there! (they all sit)
J: You’ve met Dick(points to Adam)....the other one (points aroundAdam)
K: yes, I cashed the check, thank you “Mr. Vice President” (winks athim)
J: Now, Ms. Harris....as you can imagine, the country has tons of questionsthey want to ask
you....like...Why won’t you go away!
A: Ya, stop milking the 13 minutes of fame!
K: Well, I feel I can still provide a service of information to thosewho still want to question and
learn more about the process we went thru in Florida.
J: Well, first, we’d like to do a service for you....our new Man-ShowMake-over. Why put up
with that look when with virtually no money....our Man Show expertisecan take care of it!(takes
out bag and sticks it over her head)...Voila!
A: The Man Show Make-over! Move over Sally Jessee!
J: You’re welcome!
K: (mumbles very pissed)
A: ahhhh, the sweet mumbles of a woman.
K: (she rips off the bag) I’ll see you in court! (storms off angry!)
J: ya, we’ll be waiting for the 3rd, 4th, and 5th rulings.
A: Nawww, I don’t buy that.....she had the whole thing rigged, thevoting process excluded
minorities...
J: Wait, Adam that’s not fair in her behalf...they included lots ofdifferent people...like Cocks and
asians.....get it, caucasians, eh?
A: ya, I got CockAsian  Dick Yenny over here!
D: I am not of an oriental decent!
A: Sure thing Heroshimo
J: but Asians are less endowed, and Mr.Chainey looks to be a prettybig Dick, about 5’6”?
A: ahhhh, you may be right Jimmy, let’s ask our expert via satelite....Dr.Drew!?
Drew: (VO offstage) yes, Adam, that is just a stereotype of the racesand genital size; but It seems
Mr. Chainey may’ve been molested as a child....
A: nawww, this guys fine. He just needs to get laid. Thanks Drew.
D: ahhhhh, Heroshimo, now that was a beautiful night....(starts toslip into a rant) not that itd be
so easy to have another fireworks display like that, tempting me intianaman square...
A: Hold it there chachi, I’m not buying your gig either. We went thrueight years of a few
embarassing things in the oval office; but it was to replace the exactadministration that you guys
just reformed. You guys are stuck in your own social class eggshellnot having a clue of peace or
even a dictionary. So, when you preach on world relations, franklyI’d rather gag myself on a
Luinski cigar. And that Katherine Harris chick... I guess I can’t holdher responsible for learning
to count when our president can’t talk correctly or stand with frickenconfidence on television, So
for now, as far as I’m concerned, she’s off the hook...
J: And Adam, you know what else has hooks? Brassiers!
A: (snaps into happiness) ha ha! you’re talking the magic world ofBoobies my friend!
J: Ya, I have no idea what they hell you were just talking about.
A: Me neither...If I was King, Jimmie...I’d check the whole republicanparty into rehab for
choosing bad political whores!
J: Oh, don’t look so limp, Dick! We’re cheer you up!
A: That’s right! We stole this guy from an interview with Larry King...RickyMartin! Get in here!
(Ricky comes running in from the back of the house  and standsin the middle of the audience)
R: Hello! I Love You all, thank you!
J: Ricky, would you lead us in a Ziggy Sacky!? (they all lifts up mugs)
R: Allright!
ALL: Ziggy Sacky Ziggy Sacky Oi Oi Oi!
(they drink)
J: Juggies! Shake your Bon Bons and do the George Dubbya!
(Juggie comes running back on. Ricky Martin music plays as he lyp syncsand dances. They all get up and do the
“W”.  Soon as he dances, Chainey starts to have a heart attack.As he hits the ground, whistle.
Blackout. Swing Music.)