Slappy and Begore are in their lab coats on the side of the stage prepping to start the show.

SLAPPY: Go ahead, Begore, do it like we practiced.
BEGORE: I dunno, I’m pretty nervous about doing a plan without potion points.
SLAPPY:  Just go ahead, you'll do fine.
BEGORE:  Okay (clears throat and then speaks as distinguished announcer).
MUSIC: SLAPPY INTRO (Its not unusual)
BEGORE: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Tis the season to get excited for your favorite perturbed scientist, here with his all new Christmas special. Jingle your bells and get your sleigh rockin for Dr. Slappy von Slime.
SLAPPY: Thank you, thank you Merry Cha-nu-kwanz-ass Ladies and Gentlemen!  You have all arrived on a very special night, for tonight  my master plan will be revealed…for the best Holiday Show ever!  We have an all the candy canes, dradels, and turkeys ready including an all-star line-up…and since he’s been a very good boy, let’s welcome my own baby-new year….you love him, I whip him….please give a round of clapping hands to…BEGORE!
BEGORE: Me!? I get to star in the show tonight!?
SLAPPY: Yes of course, the people love you!
BEGORE: But I thought I had to run the cameras and the satellite since FJ fired our crew, and then fold the little ham into the cracker for Mr.Stamos.
SLAPPY: Oh Begore! I’m no Scroogy McDuck!  I would never have you do all the dirty work on Christmas and not partake in a little egg nog induced fun!
BEGORE:  Can I still wear the reindeer antlers.

SLAPPY: Yes, of course….but we are still launching you to test that flight theory later! BEGORE: Oh boy! I love Halloween! SLAPPY: Yes we know, but this is the other big Holiday Season that we have sadly overlooked for so long being caught down in the lab hosting gameshows and making werewollll…..I mean, where…would the time go if we weren’t having fun watching lots of TV Land where people seem to really like cheery winter holiday hoo-has!  Our audience here is very lucky because using my massive brain power and char-isma…I have invited the biggest stars here tonight so that your minds will go numb by their controlled images and then we’ll finally take over the woooo…..I mean take Begore…..over….to….. BEGORE: The Zoo!?

SLAPPY: No, not the Zoo! It’s closed!
BEGORE: Bright Nights!
SLAPPY: No, we don’t have that kind of money to waste!
BEGORE: I like the shiny objects!
SLAPPY: Yes we know, hence while I’ll need you to prep the Rudolf experiment!  I have lots of guests coming and we’ll need to you guide their sleighs.
BEGORE: Can I invite the Giraffes I rescued from the Neverland Ranch…they talk to me you know and told me some pretty interesting stuff!  (goes to prep Harry)
SLAPPY: Yes Begore, we know! But not now!  NOW, we have a very special guest…You know him from his Rockefeller concert and his most recent hit in “When Harry Met Sally”, here is my good friend….Mr.Harry Connick Jr.!
(Begore pushes Harry onstage)
HARRY: Hello?  I don’t remember booking a dungeon.
SLAPPY: Ah! Mr.Connick Junior, your fans are tuning in and glad you made it!  Won’t you indulge us with some of your holiday merriment!  Sing for us!
HARRY: Well, I’d love to!  Music Maestro!
BEGORE: Ba-da-da-da.
HARRY: Thank you.  (he then proceeds to speak lyrics) Rudolf the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him…you’d even say it glows.
SLAPPY: What!? What is this!?
HARRY: Let’s mix it up with a medley! Frosty the Snowman, he was a very happy soul. With a corn cob pipe and a button nose!
SLAPPY: Stop! Stop Stop!
HARRY: What’s the problem man!
SLAPPY: You aren’t really singing! How did you sell so many albums!? If I wanted P.Diddy,..I would’ve pulled him out of that marathon.
HARRY: I save all the singing for the last chorus…why waste the vocal chords?
SLAPPY: I am not feeling the Holiday spirit! Begore, show Mr.Connick Junior to the door where he can do his scat caroling away from my precious studio audience!
HARRY: (starts to sing)….He had a very shiny nossssse! (Begore take the microphone back and throws him out)
SLAPPY: Ah ha! Do not worry!  I have an even bigger real singing celebrity  that the kiddies seem to go ga-ga for…..Your American Idol, Mr/Ms…..Clay Aiken!
MUSIC:  CLAY INVISIBLE
BEGORE: Yay! I love Play-doh!
(CLAY enters all smirky and doe-eyed. He is very happy to be here, but smug and cool.)
CLAY: Hi everyone! I am truly a fan Dr.Slappy Von Slime!
SLAPPY: Yes, I know….You give fellow geeks like me a hope for taking over the world….so tell me, how did you win American Idol and this mind control ability?
BEGORE: Master!  He didn’t win American Idol!?
SLAPPY: What!? He didn’t!? But I see him everywhere!
CLAY: No, actually Ruben Studdard won...I love him, he’s great.
SLAPPY: An imposter! In MY lab! I did not bring this lovely studio audience here just for you to peddle your second place androdginous face all over my master plan!  Begore!  Let’s give Mr.Aiken his microphone so he can sing and get our of here!
BEGORE: Sure thing boss! (he reaches for the mic that Harry just had)_
SLAPPY: No, Begore!…..the OTHER microphone, the SPECIAL microphone…..For such a special guy!
BEGORE: Oh!!! Right! (he swaps it with another one) Here ya go, Mr.ACHE-in’!
SNDFX: ELECTRICUTION
(Clay drops dead.)
SLAPPY: I only want REAL winning celebrities on my show!
BEGORE:  Should I move him to the dumpster?
SLAPPY: No! We can leave him under the tree for C-gore and D-gore to play with tommorow.
BEGORE: What do I get in my stocking!?
SLAPPY: Why you and all of our audience here tonight will be going home with a fabulous gift! (Begore is looking in his socks)  The hit film, Gigli on DVD!  This special edition includes never before seen footage.
BEGORE: Ooh! Like the movie!
SLAPPY: Yes Begore! I was able to get a whole truckload donated FROM Toys for Tots!  Oh, but our party doesn’t end there….no no no; Begore please send out my big Hollywood friend just stopping by for some Christmas Cheer…..Let’s hear it for……Mr.John Ritter!
(there is an awkward silence)
BEGORE: ummm, I think he’s dead.
SLAPPY: What!?  Oh never mind, I have a whole slew of friends ready….please welcome….Johnny Cash!
BEGORE: He’s dead too.
SLAPPY: But he has a new song…..”hurt”!
BEGORE: He ain’t hurt no more.
SLAPPY: Well then, ….Enjoy the simply irresistible, Robert Palmer!
BEGORE: Dead.
SLAPPY: What!? How is that possible, I booked these people a year ago! Well, good thing we have…Mr.Fred Rogers in the neighborhood!
BEGORE: Dead
SLAPPY: Katherine Hepburn!
BEGORE: Dead.
SLAPPY: Morrise Gibb!
BEGORE: (like a bee-gee) Dead!!!!
SLAPPY: Barry White?
BEGORE: (real low) Dead.
SLAPPY: Joan Rivers
BEGORE: (pause) dead?
SLAPPY: Fred Rerun Barry!
BEGORE: Dead.
SLAPPY: Davy Jones!
BEGORE: The Monkee or the pirate?
SLAPPY: The pirate!
BEGORE: oh. Dead.
SLAPPY: Bing Crosby!
BEGORE: Dead. Wait, what about Judy Dench?
SLAPPY: She can’t make it! (beat) Begore! I can’t believe this! If it is because you didn’t take care of them like I asked, then you will not be allowed to come to Bingo Nights ever again!….ooh! I almost forgot….my good friend….Mr.Bob Hope!
(There is a beat as Begore panics and then pulls someone from the audience.)
BEGORE: Here he is boss!
SLAPPY: (turns and is delighted with glee as if it really is Bob Hope)  Bob Hope! I am so glad you made it! Ladies and Gentlemen, it would not be a real Christmas special without my favorite comedian, Mr.Bob Hope? How are you?
(they then quickly improvise for a few seconds to get him to sing)
All of a sudden, there is a DOORBELL and they all stop.

BEGORE: Turkey’s done! SLAPPY: No Begore! That is the door!  I wonder who it is? John Stamos steps out onto the stage. STAMOS: Have Mercy! SLAPPY & BEGORE: It’s THE STAMOS! STAMOS: Hey munchins, what’s cooking? SLAPPY: Oh, John Stamos! I knew you wouldn’t let me down! STAMOS: Actually, I’m just wanted to beat Carrot Top here to make sure that you are using 10-10-987. SLAPPY: Oh this is wonderful!   Bob Hope, you can sit down….the power of Stamos overshadows you!  Begore! Get Mr.John Stamos ready!  Give him the best microphone so he may enchant us with his Jesse and the Ripper Holiday hits! (STAMOS is trying to explain to Begore how easy it is to use 10-10-987) BEGORE: Where did I leave the microphone? Don’t worry Mr.Stamos, I have your crackers ready too!

SLAPPY: (walks downstage as Begore and Stamos get ready) I always dreamed this day would come! Finally, the biggest celebrity in the world, Mr.John Stamos is here in my lab!  Just when I thought all my friends were dead, a shiny star comes upon this little manger of ours and brings hope of a new day when Begore and I will rule the world by the mighty power of Stamos’s voice and…..
SNDFX: ELECTRIC SHOCK
(Slappy turns around. Stamos drops dead because Begore gave him the wrong microphone. Awkward silence.)
BEGORE: Have mercy!
TAG:BLACKOUT
MUSIC: ANY TRANSITION