Son of Sam from PSP's LaughCrafters

"I AM THE SON OF SAM"
Concept and script by Tommy Lynch. Developed and revised by Tommy Lynch and Eric Boucher with PSP troupe.
First performed 6/7/04 at Capos LaughCrafters show by Phantom Sheep Players
Copyright 2004. all rights reserved. May not be reused in any form without prior permission from author.
WARNING: contains satire and material not suitable for younger audiences

Tommy is wearing a Dr.Suess "Cat in Hat"esq stovetop hat reading from scroll. He enters on Jeff's back.

TOMMY
I am Sam (exits)
(enters again from other direction) Sam I am (exits)
(enters and dismounts) I am….the Son of Sam. (beat)
I’m gonna kill you on the street
In the blistering summer heat

ERIC
(leaps on stage in woman's wig)
That son of Sam
That son of Sam
He is a Sham
I do not like the Son of Sam!

TOMMY
Can I follow you in Central Park
Could I stab you in the Dark

ERIC
You can not follow me in Central Park
You could not. Should not stab me in the dark
Why am I in this plenzoofalus Jam
Get away from me, Son of Sam!

TOMMY
Would I could I in your house?
I’d be as quiet as a mouse.

ERIC
You can not kill me in the street
In this blistering summer heat.
You would not could not in my house
And please stop looking at my blouse.
I do not give a damn
I do not like you Son of Sam!

TOMMY
I can shoot you from a tree
I am quick so no one can see
I am cunning like a fox
I can stuff you in a box

ERIC
You will not shoot me from that tree
I will scream so people run to me
You can not stuff me in a box
In your head, must be rocks
The cops are on to your scam
You will be caught Son of Sam

TOMMY
May I lure you to the docks
Obsessing over your brunette locks
Can I follow you to Times Square
So I can kill you over there!

ERIC
You may not bring me to the docks!
Stop obsessing over my locks!
This whole city has quite a scare!
From over there and to Time Square!

TOMMY
I’ll run away as fast I can
You can not catch me, the Son of Sam!
I left a letter in the park
In the dark it carries my mark
I took direction from my dog!

(Jeff leaps back on stage as dog) COPS
(Matt) He’s as useless as a log.
(Jenny) You are a crazy little ham
(Justin) You’re arrested, Son of Sam!

-END-

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