Premise- Eric buys Kate a car for X-mas based on those car commercials.  What happens after that? How can you top it? All she got him in return was a tie. She then tries to dig up a gift somewhere including swapping a tag on one that turns out to be for dog.  Lots of awkward /“Truth in comedy” moments, nice sentimental realistic sketch.

Eric and Kate come running on, Eric is covering Kate’s eyes and leads her to the door.
ERIC: no peeking, no peeking!
KATE: Okay, okay…just show me.
ERIC: Okay, are you ready?
KATE: Yes!
ERIC: Okay, it’s outside…..(he “opens door”) There ya go! Merry Christmas! (holds out keys)
Kate’s eyes open with delight, she is looking out and sees the most gorgeous expensive car.
(music flourish)
KATE: Oh my God!……You got me the new car!!!!! (general excitement , overwhelming joy, etc. etc.) I can’t believe it! It even has one of those gigantic bows!? Where did you…how did you….you are so wonderful.
ERIC: (with pride) ya, well….
KATE: I can’t believe you got me the car and all I got y(music stops)….oh. um. Oh…..hey, let’s go take a ride honey!

ERIC: um…sure, don’t you want me to open the rest of….. KATE: (distracting with the car outside) Look at that bow! What a bow! Let’s rip it off  and rip up the roads! ERIC: There’ll be plenty of time for that later…I was hoping we could finish the morning  by the fire and the rest of the gifts. KATE: Right. Sure. …….ok. ya, (quaintly happy) let’s do that. ERIC: I can’t wait to see what you got me!?  (he runs upstage a bit and grabs a seat) KATE: Well, of course I had to get my special guy a very special gift.

ERIC: (teasing) There’s not a car in that box is there?
KATE: nooooo. Here. Merry Christmas.
ERIC: (he opens it). It’s ….a tie. It’s a tie.
KATE: Yes! Do you like it?
ERIC: ummm, ya. (he looks out to car. Looks back at tie) ya. (does another take. Looks at tie, then under tie. Trying to justify more with it. Then breaks tension). Well, you can’t drive it!
KATE: nooooo…. you can wear it with your suit!
ERIC: Right….my suit…the one I haven’t worn in 3 years because it doesn’t fit me or were you thinking of another one?
KATE: No, I guess that’s the only suit you have.
ERIC: It is!….wait, is it? I wouldn’t happen to be another suit today, would I?
KATE: nope. Just a tie! (smiles)
ERIC: Right, well, thank you…..it’s nice. Very nice…….not as nice as…A CAR….but its nice.
KATE: I’m sorry its nothing big….
ERIC: nope, not big at all….not like the big BOW on the big CAR….but its nice.
KATE: um….oh wait! I forgot!…yes, now where is that other gift I got you….oh gees, I must’ve forgotten to take it out…
ERIC: oh really!?
KATE:….I betcha its still in the closet because I bought it so long ago….I’ll go get it!
(she digs around on the side looking in a panic)….oh here it is! (she runs over and hands him an envelope)
ERIC: wow, this is pretty big, and you got it this year!?
KATE: yes! Yes I did! Do you like it?
ERIC:….yes, it’s great….a big gift certificate….to Bradlees!

KATE: Ya! (beat)…..uh oh! (beat)(very sad) ohhhhh. (she starts to make her way over).  I know I got you something else, something…big!….oh my, what’s that! (misdirects with a point as she quickly scrambles and takes the tag off a gift and scribbles Eric’s name on it) oh! Here it is!  Of course, I didn’t just get you a tie! ERIC: of course not….what is it!? KATE: um, open it! (he starts to) actually….open it later, lets go take a ride in the car! ERIC: Oh, you’re being modest….I can’t wait to see that you got me(he opens the box)…….a dog bone?  You got me a dog bone!? (Kate looks around in panic as if she forgot about the dog too) KATE: oh, gees, that must be a mistake. ERIC:….oh no! a mistake! (he then panics and starts to tear) oh no! oh no! KATE:  What!? What is it!? ERIC: If you gave me this dogbone, then Scruffy’s out there driving MY new car! Scruffy, where are you!? Scruffy!

KATE: Eric no!  Scruffy doesn’t have your car! I didn’t get you a car. You got me a car! ….and I appreciate it, you got me a very large expensive gift…
ERIC: With a big expensive bow!
KATE:…yes, with a big expensive bow, and all I got you was a tie. I admit it, I’m not winning the wife of the year award!  I wish I could get you more, something as large as a car….but all I have is my love for you, and if I could wrap that up, it’d be the biggest gift you could ever imagine.

ERIC: (following a long beat of admiration)…..you’re right. That’s all that matters.  (they come closer together and hug), I’m sorry….I’m glad I got you the car….I’m glad you’re happy and you deserve it….and the only gift I need in return is to hear you say you love me……. KATE: oh, I do.  I love the car, and I love you. ERIC:…..of course, a blowjob would be nice.” TAG/BLACKOUT