EZINE
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TO PROMOTE EASTER! 3-30-04  Leno tried getting Jesus to talk about the latest Mel Gibson movie with no luck proving rumors that He may be more of a Willem Defoe fan after all. Leno said "It was great that he stopped by. Of course, I guess he's always here...ya know...in spirit...omnipresent God and all...so, airline food sucks, eh!?". NBC also announced that Dioneses will be appearing later this week on Conan and is expected to rock with his Bachae band. |
5-3-04 NEWS ALERT: RUMSFELD CLAIMS "THEY WERE DOIN' THAT PERVETED NAKED STUFF WHEN WE CAPTURED THEM!" |
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Chain Letter Re-Received (1/26/04) “I was going about my normal business, sorting through the mail, you know bills, junk, and other” explained Boulander, “I came to this handwritten envelope with a cute little puppy dog stamp on it, I did not expect to get this blast from my past.” The letter inside of the envelope was a chain letter that Boulander was sent almost 15 years earlier. “I read the letter half-assed thinking that I might be able to see who sent to me, and the more I read on the more familiar it became” stated Boulander, “Low and behold as I perused the previous recipients, I came across my name with my old address.” Believing that this was a sign of some other form or being, Boulander immediately did as the letter instructed him to do. With his address book in hand, he headed down to the local Kinko’s to make 10 copies of the letter, before bad luck would fall on him. “At first I thought these letters went away when you reach the age of like 12, however I am now 25, and this came back into my life.” The 10 new recipients of the letters were for the most part co-workers of Boulander, who just recently moved a year ago cross-country and really did not know anybody outside of work. “Besides giving my fellow co-workers could luck, I figured it would also be a great ice breaker at company functions” insisted Boulander “We all work at an international company, imagine if this letter could bring good luck and peace to the entire world. Why else would I have been sent it twice, I believe that there is a reason for every thing in this world.” Upon receive the chain letter in the mail, most of Boulander’s co-workers dismissed it as mere immaturity on his behalf. However, one of Boulander’s supervisors who received the letter was touched by his optimism for achieving world peace and good luck through this letter. “To be honest with you, I really did not know exactly who he was until I received this letter, and since Clark, I mean, Charles is on my ladder of success here.” Said Boulander’s Supervisor Brian Burgess. With his new outlook on life, Boulander hopes to continue sharing his luck with all of living creatures. “I like to think of myself as a modern day Gandhi, or even Jesus, I mean who knows where this once piece of pulp will take me.” -JTB |
3-1-04
In a related story, as the Lord of the Rings film swept the Oscars in all categories....Hobbiteer Dominic Monihan returned to sweeping the lobby of his New Zealand Pizza Hut Monday morning. |
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Feel like a nut: 38% Sometimes you don't: 49% On Atkins: 13% |
Chinese Throwing Star: 37% Shiny Tassle: 18% Tivo Rocks: 45% |
Fab 4: 34% Fab 5: 34% Jesus: 32% |
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Who Did you celebrate with? Busch: 35% Busch lite: 22% Bush twins: 43% |
Yes: 30% No: 30% What?: 40% |
Kentucky Derby: 42% Indy 500: 46% Presidential: 2% |
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LOS ANGELES-The paparazzi and fans were in full swing as Mr.Jackson showed up to court. With a passionate "not-guilty" read from the tele-prompter, the artist showed no patience as the show was already running over from a late start. Mr.Jackson ended the show with a vehicle roof-top show stopping dance number. It was then off to the after-party where the elite rubbed elbows and other body parts til dawn. -RRN E gossip columnist, Scooter Skeeter |
TO PURSUE ACTING by staff columnist Edward Shay "I was inspired the first time I saw Bob sing to his discount furniture," notes Bercara Ford manager Tommy Motors. "That is when I knew the small screen needed my talent and my vehicles were ...well, my vehicle to reach stardom". Motors is his stagename. It started with stuttering and bad cue cards the first few month, but soon Mr.Motors was kicking soft shoe routines and singing catchy jingles. "Bob tried adding an old dude and that community theater reject lady to compete with our productions....but then the local phone dude scared him off with his hollywood impressions," adds Motors agent, his wife Sally. So Western Massachusettes is short one more car dealership as Tommy closed his doors to star in his one man show "Motor Mouth" at City Stage. But do not fret citizens, for a new health club opened up and there is a short bald man itching to be the next Jason Alexander who sings his way into our hearts for "$19.95" |
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Take my Wife...Please!...$20 or b/o!
Ebay.com for Sale: starting bid $1.00 NR. Buy it Now-$43 million. NEED A DATE?-Raisins looking for a life change. Come visit vines today! TIX FOR SALE- Hobbits in Concert: Annie Lennox & Enya! 555-LOTR NOW HIRING-Burglars wanted. Work from someone else's home. |
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| MOVIE REVIEW: THE PASSION
By Jeff Boucher, staff reporter My friend Brian Lepine (PSP tech) had to go see THE PASSION aka "Jesus:the Movie" for a school report, so I decided to tag along. It's about 90 minutes of "Hey, there's Jesus...let's go kick his ass". The End. PS: It also has a great cliffhanger lending itself nicely for a sequel
which is expected to be big around Easter.
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Bush allows staff to go on Ricki Lake to discuss 9/11. ..... Al Franken forgets he's a comedian ..... Mars probe sends back first pornographic
images.
CNN loses track of which middle-east battle
is on...shows re-runs.
Kasparian Trial makes juror hungry for
lost Luigi's Pizza!
Black Market closes in honor of Hamas founder
mourned.
Osama Bin Laden allowed bathroom break before Bush reveals his capture at critical campaign moment. |