EZINE          ARTS & LEISURE
3/23/04
MOVIE REVIEW: THE PASSION
By Jeff Boucher, staff reporter

My friend Brian Lepine (PSP tech) had to go see THE PASSION aka "Jesus:the Movie" for a school report, so I decided to tag along. 

It's about 90 minutes of "Hey, there's Jesus...let's go kick his ass". 

The End.

PS: It also has a great cliffhanger lending itself nicely for a sequel which is expected to be big around Easter.

COMING SOON TO THEATERS- CHECK LOCO LISTINGS

NEW AIKEN DIET COUNTING NO CARBS!
Americans wish their fat was invisible. Move over Dr.Atkin. Move over Subway and every other restaurant chain trying to cash in on the most retro over-rated diet craze. There's a new diet in town that this reporter is sure every fast food chain will gladly sell out to....and Mr.Clay Aiken is the measure of a man to make it happen.
Proving that sometimes 2nd place is better, Clay is using his positive image to promote a diet full of androgidous foods.  Effeminate dorks will be able to follow this meal plan to achieve the creepy camera stare that Mr.Aiken is known for.  The "real" American Idol winner, "velvet stuffed teddy bear" Ruben Studdard also has plans to unveil his diet plan which consists of Ruben sandwiches...a lot of sandwiches....a whole lot of sandwiches.  Both meal plans are expected to become available within the next two hours, but to get the details you must text message "EAT" on your wireless phone.- R.Seecrust
   TV REVIEW: From the desk of Web Schwartz
Hey Ho kids this is Web Schwartz, RRN's T.V. critic, here to put in my two cents on the world of television.    I would like to be frank with you for just a moment.  "Hi there I'm Frank Lombardi, Web's obnoxious boss.  I have no life and can't take a joke."  Okay,now with that off my chest , your fellow neighborhood television watcher has just sat through what is perhaps the worst show ever to come on the air.  That is "Fat Albert 2004" on UPN.
   At first when Frank, my boss, gave me this assignment, I was thrilled.  So thrilled in fact that I actually liked Frank for more than two minutes.  After all this is Fat Albert we're talking about, that roly poly fat man who along with the Cosby Kids taught  a generation  of kids the right thing to do in the seventies besides hanging out at Club54.  I rushed home, turned on my T.V., made some popcorn, lit some candles, and sat down to watch his comeback to television.    To my dismay the show was horrible.  First Fat Albert isn't fat anymore, He is skinny and healthy( after searches on Google I found out he went on the Atkin's Diet). Second all of the Cosby Kids, except  for MushMouth, have been replaced with popular rappers such as P. Diddy, 50 cent, Jay-Z,and Nelly and call themselves "The Cosby Posse".  Probably the worst part of this show however is that MushMouth went through some speech therapy and now has a distinguished British accent.  Instead of teaching kids how to do good , Fat Albert and the Cosby Posse ride around the ghetto pushing drugs to minors, putting hits out on fellow cartoon rappers and replacing the lighthearted soul songs from the seventies version with  raps about there bling, hoes, and the man.    Now come to think of it kids, I know why Frank gave me this assignment.  He gave me it as revenge for the Valentine's day office party fiasco.  Well Frank I am not ashamed for calling your wife a @#!%^&#$$@#$ and your daughter is a whore...I should know first hand!  A  current episode of Friends is better than what I just saw!  Plus I should have known better, since after all it was on UPN!   Well kiddos, I'm not that angry because right in front of me as I am typing this right now is my next assignment.  I'll give you a preview of it....my next assignment is....Kingdom Hospital....KINGDOM HOSPITAL!!!!!!  That son of a .. Well kids I have to wrap things up.  I have a little meeting with Frank I have to arrange.  I just hope he doesn't read this.  Oh well this is Web Schwartz signing off from T.V. World!  Happy Watching ! 

Please note: contents contain satire and parody and should not be taken as fact.
Some photos within RRNE are altered from other public sites for the use of parody.

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