Democratic Presidential Candidate
Joins Forces With Sport Entertainment
by staff writer J.Tibby
 NEW HAMPSHIRE- Following his surprising third place finish behind John Kerry and John Edwards in the 2004 Iowa caucus, democratic candidate Howard Dean turned to the world of sports entertainment in an attempt to boost his popularity.
Dean’s shift to the world of professional wrestling has baffled a few campaign followers, however most of his supporter praise him for his new bold, take no bull attitude.

Gov. Dean new edgy campaign image
“I commend Governor Dean, I have been following his movement in the national election since its early days” stated support Bill Hunter “The way I see it, this is a hybrid of two things I like, sports entertainment and the democratic system of government that our great country was founded on”
 Many political analysist thought the former governor of Vermont has gone to the extremes since the loss in the Iowa caucus.
 “Yeah I saw the speech after he was declared the third place finisher in the caucus, I thought he was putting on a brave face for his supporters, that was a bit misguided. But now I do not know what to think about the recent avenues that his campaign team has taken.” Said Robert Turner, political writer for the Des Moines Gazzette.
With this new image comes a new message from the Dean for America campaign. A message that is suppose to give the American people hope and pride in their nation.  New slogans such as ‘Do ya smell what the democratic president candidate is cooking?’ and ‘That’s the way it is, because Governor Dean say so!’, are making there way to the television and print media.
At a recent rally in Nashua, New Hampshire, Governor Dean was introduced to the crowd of eager supporters as Howard ‘The Reformer’ Dean.  Upon his entry in the crowded VFW hall, supporters roared with cheers as the former governor emerge from the backstage area to sounds of Twisted Sisters ‘Were not gonna take it’.
 Once at the podium Governor Dean quickly pulled the microphone from its stand, and began to the address the crowd. During his 10 minute speech to the local residents, Dean made countless derogatory references to his fellow democratic nominees.  The former Governor even went as far as to refer to Massachusetts senator John Kerry as a part of female genitalia, among numerous other not so flattering words and phrases.

A young supporter holds
up a sign endorsing his choice

Future Dean appointee 
Sgt. Slaughter
After every political stab that Dean took at his fellow candidates, the crowds cheers seem to grow louder by the minute.  The former governor took advantage of this time to announce some future appointment. Dean announced that if he is elect in November that he would appoint former wrestlers ‘The Matador’ Tito Santana ambassador to Mexico, and Sgt. Slaughter would become his chief of staff. 
Like most other people involved in sport entertainment, Dean new approach to reaching new supporters by taking about his life on the street.  In the candidate new press release he credits his no nonsense approach in life and politics to his rough childhood ‘livin’ it up’ on the streets of South Central Los Angeles. Although Dean did not grow up on those credited streets, it seems to strike a cord with many voters in New Hampshire.
“Howard and I are very alike, I can relate to his stories of the streets” said life long New Hampshire resident Dwight Smith
With his new approach Dean’s campaign spokesman states that support for their candidate has risen 35% in the 18 to 35 year old demographic. It is hard to say at this time whether or not Dean’s new approach will pay off in the long wrong, only time will truly tell, and until then just sit back and enjoy.

-staff writer J.Tibby

Candidate Dean ‘Returning’ to his roots
(photo from Dean for America website)

Old Man In The Mountain Shows Support For Howard Dean.
The old man comes back into 
public view for the first time since 
May 2003 in support of Dean
NEW HAMPSHIRE-In a surprise event, the Old Man in the Mountain- famed natural wonder and symbol of New Hampshire-reappeared after a year old retirement to publically support Howard Dean.  In a press conference on the base of Mt. Washington, The Old Man gave his endorcement just days before the primaries.  "He is rock hard, he is a political wall that nobody else can break," states the elderly mountain face. 
    These statements came as a surprise to people who thougth the Old man was gone forever.  " I thought after I saw him fall off Mt. Washington that he would finally enjoy some relaxation " said Jon Knickerbocker of Dartmouth, NH, "but if he feels strongly about Dean enough to come back into the public eye, then perhaps I should look at Dean again." According to insiders in the Dean campaign, that is exactly what he hopes for.  Political analyst, George Acropolis notes "Dean is getting natural wonders to help him get voters on his side, it's just an incredible move that also supports the strong foundation despite the ironic public protest from wrestler 'The Rock' of Dean's latest sports entertainment display of rage". 
    So far the Statue of Liberty has not decided who she will endorse; although most candiates realize that if they can get the Faces on Mt. Rushmore to agree and lend all four of their influential votes in one direction, that'll be a strong momentum to anyone's campaign at this time .- T.Lynch

Please note: contents contain satire and parody and should not be taken as fact.
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